How to Win Friends and (de)influence people

As I wrap up a decade of entrepreneurship and move into a new chapter (exciting! scary!), I have been taking stock of all the things I've done over the past 10 years that worked and what didn't.

What never, not one single time, ever worked was when I tried to put people into boxes that they were never suited for (including myself). I'm talking about saying, "Just be this person and do these roles because you CAN. Don't worry about if it doesn't spark joy or feel aligned!" And then being shocked when people were left more stressed and more disconnected.

But what has always worked is taking time to see people for their true selves and then working backward to see where they will thrive best in a role. I am not saying that hiring people because you like them, respect them, enjoy them, and then finding roles for them in the company can work for everyone, but it sure as hell has worked for me. (I'm leaving out a lot of details in this process for brevity, but I'm happy to dive deeper for anyone who is curious how I do this!)

This rings true in personal relationships as well. My absolute greatest treasure in life is my bank of fantastic people in it. Ones that truly know me and vice versa. I'm talking about the ones that get 6-minute voice notes from me on the current intersections of advanced technology and the state of the cosmos and haven't blocked my number. Money comes and goes, but having a solid lineup of people who deeply see me (and love me in spite of it!) has given me and will continue to give me strength to keep trudging on my unique path. Especially when it gets uncomfortable.

This is where the magic in tools like human design (my favorite woo drink of choice), astrology, enneagram, etc. really shine. They give you permission to view yourself through a different lens, sort out what feels true, and lean into where you feel most seen and powerful. You don't even have to believe in this stuff, I assure you. I always say if someone tells me tomorrow that these tools were made up as a big joke to see how long people would buy into them, it wouldn't change a thing for me. It's simply an outlet to think of ways you can view your uniqueness, because we know current culture is not going to be encouraging that (unless it has a price tag, then by all means).

But for me, the best part of tapping into identifying my own unique strengths and ways of going about the world wasn't just about feeling seen myself. Even though, obviously, that's a huge perk.

I started to see everyone this way.

It's so fun to watch people work who have wildly different skill sets than mine. Seeing people with other, better, cooler skill sets than mine doesn't trigger an ounce of lack. But it does trigger a whole lot of awe and wonder. I don't want anyone to fit into a tidy box anymore! Show me the nitty-gritty—that's where the good stuff is.

This is why I always gravitate towards working with creatives in all forms. My skill set is not in the aesthetic realm. I used to try so hard to be an aesthetic gal. But when it comes down to it, I'm more aligned style-wise with Steve Jobs than I am with most of my influencer friends, and that's just okay. My creativity lies in the realm of creating systems and making people's careers flow more easily so they can create even more. There's automation and AI involved. I'm talking real nerdy, y'all. It feels like such a yin/yang process to create something that could be perceived as so bland but use it as a tool for their creativity to have even bigger reach and wings. Once I leaned into that and didn't have to have tool sets in the current boxes of "cool," that's when I really started to thrive.

When I really started to feel so comfortable in my own skin, so many fantastic casts of characters came into my life.

So here's my advice if you are looking for deeper, less transactional relationships: Stop trying to influence people on the version of yourself you think you want to be, and start figuring out the one that truly is. Then turn that energy on the people in your life as well.

Even if you don't dabble in the new age arts, run a natal chart report on yourself with simply the mission to see if it uncovers anything in you that you subconsciously have been wanting to lean into more. Let it be like a menu of what you want to expand on. The same can be done in human design (I highly recommend the My Human Design app!)

The more you start appreciating the unique, quirky, probably a little weird version of yourself, the more you will attract others that do the same.

Speaking of creatives I create systems for, my sister is launching the dreamiest collection entitled “Cabinet of Curiosities” at Charleston Artist Collective on September 25th. If you aren’t local to the Charleston area, I believe the collective will be doing a prerelease to their email list ahead of the show!