In Service
One of my favorite feelings in life is fresh page energy. So much so, I celebrate the Gregorian calendar new year, astrological new year, Jewish new year and I am always looking for more to add to the list (lmk if there are any I am missing!) This is the root of why I enjoy following astrological transits so much. There are so many opportunities to turn somewhat mundane day into the first day of the rest of your life. My personality and monotony don’t particularly go hand and hand so finding these micro shake ups keep me from having to rearrange the house, change my hair, or purge the closets quite as often.
My most treasured cosmic cycle I never miss is a new moon. Those of us who come from the service or medical industry can fully vouch for seeing at least some degree of the lunacy effect of a full moon. While full moons tend to bring out a little more wiry effect in people thanks to the strong pull of la luna, new moons tend to give us the most reprieve. If you don’t believe in the power of the moon, come sit on the beach in South Carolina and watch just how intense the swing of the ocean swell is- especially when the sun and moon form alignment and create a king tide. For me a new moon represents the quietest time of the month. A time I can reconnect with what I actually want to see in my life, while the outside pulls are a little softer. Again, with all the “woo woo” systems I believe in, you do not have to believe a single piece of what it says is true to get some benefits. Who doesn’t need a monthly reminder to check back in on where you are just going through the motions and redirect back to the path you actually want to be on?
Today’s new moon is in the sign of Virgo. I have many Virgo’s in my life and I am so fortunate to get the blessings of their detail oriented nature. My daughter is a Virgo to the fullest. Nothing gets past her- no little whisper to my husband, no passing comment, no tiny fiber sticking out of her shirt that could potentially cause itch in her day. She can be so detail oriented that making simple decisions that don’t really have any large ramifications can hold her captive. When we have a casual day at school- the outfit must be chosen the day (or days) before because it simply can’t be done at 6:45 am on the ticking time clock. Virgo’s are some of the most service oriented people I know, my daughter included. I was watching her last night play in the yard with our sweet nephew Henry and thinking about how beautiful of a gift it is to truly show up for people. She can lean in and go with his play scripts he learns from his favorite shows and roll right along with him. It makes my heart swell to see them in joyful lockstep in those moments. But the counter balance of this can be a slip into people pleasing. With every sweet blessing like being able to feel fully what people need, there can be the not as sweet side of getting lost in what makes others happy. It’s something my husband and I discuss often with her. She loves praise (and earns it regularly) but we have to remind her if she came home without the stars on her chart or the great grades- we would love her nonetheless.
When I was thinking about the energy of Virgo and how I wanted to use it in my month- the word service kept coming to mind. I am in the midst of a very large shakeup in my life. As aforementioned it suits me quite well. I thrive in chaos- but only when I know the path through craziness leads to a life I am in control of. The fear of regretting not listening to my own moral compass is often a driving force of so many of my decisions. I never want to look back and think I compromised what I know to be right for what made the most sense on paper. That essentially sums up a hard, long thought out choice I had to make this week which put me back at somewhat of a career (re)starting point. I knew being aligned with certain people and making decisions that kept them fed and happy at the sacrifice of the people who should actually be receiving the profits from their hard work couldn’t continue any longer. I also learned I would make a terrible venture capitalist. I am in the midst of redrawing my path by pulling in all of the gained skillsets from the past 10 years that I treasure, and leaving out the moments where I turned a blind eye to intuitive red flags (in myself as well as others.)
I’m refocusing on true service.
To me, service means not conforming myself to other people’s expectations. Not trying to fit myself in a smaller box because I think that’s what will make others comfortable. True service is knowing and cultivating my own unique gifts and the way I can show up in the world and share them despite it being uncomfortable at times. I love my gift of being able to not only see people’s skill sets when they can’t see them themselves, but using my un woo-woo practical business/ tech knowledge to be able to help them put those skill sets out into the world in a bigger way. However, it requires me pushing my own comfort boundaries to share ideas with other people.
I live in an area that is teeming with female entrepreneurs. There are many “collabs” going on. Networking, seeking out mutually beneficial opportunities, etc. Which is wonderful- yet sets many people up to expect that you are seeking something in return when you say “hey I saw you did XYZ- that was so amazing and inspirational and suited your energy well, expand on that!” My texts get left on read- my voice note rambles can go unresponded to. But I am ok with that. Now please don’t think I just give unsolicited advice every time an idea for someone pops into my head.
Ok actually, I do that a lot.
The difference is I take time to think about the person- make sure my delivery is earnest and doesn’t seem like I am judging/ telling them to do something better from a place of superiority. Recently I did this to my favorite pilates studio owner- I had an idea pop into my head about how she could make her new client intake flow more smoothly so I popped it over to her. Nothing expected in return- just as a fan of her business and a lover of creative streamlining. I know the feeling of people giving you unsolicited advice on your business that have never been in your position and I never want to be that person. Fortunately, the delivery landed as I hoped and it ended up being an extremely productive conversation with her on ways she was brainstorming on growth. I love helping to be a catalyst in those moments for people who I believe are bringing a true sense of community in the world like she does. So much so, I let myself being ok feeling misunderstood the 4 times out of 5 I send my well intentioned ideas. But you know what- the more I get comfortable knowing when to deliver my intuitive pings and when to hold back regardless if I feel like my ego will be bruised, the better that flow has gotten.
That to me is service. Showing up as my true self with the full intention of wanting the others to do the same. I think the time is now, especially for us women, to stop living such transactional lives. Where can you give a little bit more of yourself without expectation? Even if it means exposing a side of yourself you typically reserve for your very closest confidants. I used to do just that- I saved my creative collaborating exclusively for my sister, husband, and business partner. Over the past few years I have leaned into expanding to a wider reach. Somedays I wish I could just find fulfillment in a normal hobby like tennis, instead of daydreaming up business strategy plans for others. But the fuel to keep pushing past the doubts that creep up saying “you are too weird” comes from when the ideas land just as they should and I can see someone grow in ways they hadn’t dreamed before because they were so in the weeds.
So for my month ahead I am getting down to the Virgo level details of where I can get clearer on where my gifts can be of the maximum amount of service. But with the mindset that I won’t lose myself in the process. I’d love if you joined me!
Much love,
Victoria
(PS- rereading this newsletter I wanted to scrap the whole thing. So here goes my first uncomfortable push of the month by hitting send and hoping my words land as intended and being ok if they don’t!)
