Rethinking Affirmations
I had the loveliest weekend spent studying with at a “mini retreat” here in Charleston. I have SO much to unpack that it stirred in me I am still sitting with but I wanted to share something I think we all can start tangibly taking into our day to day life.
At the end of the course, Marianne closed it by inviting people to stand up and share the vision of the world they wanted to see and their role in it. Then she asked others in attendance to “affirm” what they heard and to express their belief that the speaker will accomplish these visions. For a long time, I thought most of the power was in the former, but the past few days have got me reflecting on how the magic of the latter is just as important, if not more so.
These days are tense, there’s no denying it. But what if we gave just as much merit to people speaking about audacious ways to solve the world’s problems as we do to talking about how awful things are (and yes, they are). I often write about how the greatest gift in my life is that so many people have trusted me with their dreams—business dreams. So much so that I resist calling it a “profession,” because it feels just as important for me to receive it as it is for the person sharing it. The world we live in is so desperate for dreamers in the dense realm of commerce, and I’m overjoyed every time someone gives themselves permission to speak aloud about how they want their outward career to look.
Over time, I’ve come to realize the “work” is in the release of listening. I know I have to completely turn off my rational brain when holding space for someone to speak about what they want to build and their perceived blocks to getting there. If my limited rational mind is involved, it’s SO hard to share in their vision.
How can I help guide someone through a pivot season if I can’t see where they want to go because it looks like my life? I don’t want to be confined to a world with businesses built in my limited scope of vision! Imagine walking into a museum filled only with art you made. Your house and community can only be filled with things you visualized and executed. If you’ve ever seen me attempt to create with my hands, you’ll know how much I shudder at this thought. I can rarely read my own handwriting when I’m in the flow, let alone produce an art form that invokes any sort of feeling.
I think we can all muster up a dream for a better life and world. But can we affirm someone else’s? I’m sure we’ve all felt vulnerable when sharing an idea or hope, only to be met with immediate skepticism: “Did you think of the limitations?” “I’ve already heard of that type of business, sorry, try a new idea.” “Oh, I’ve had this idea before” (implying that for your idea to be valid, it must be original). “My college roommate’s cousin was in that field and now she’s depressed and lost all her hair.” While the speaker may think they’re offering protection or love, unless you’re in an unsafe situation, these are just dream killers. We don’t need more dream killers—we have hundreds of thousands of pieces of “of the moment” news coming at us that handle that just fine. What we need are safe places for our dreams to land.
When I met Lynne Twist at the airport this summer, I didn’t quite have the words to process the profoundness of it. Yes, having your hero—someone whose career has made me dream bigger than I thought possible—sitting right in front of you is a miracle in itself. But in retrospect, it was the fact that she asked about my work and dreams for the future and affirmed them. She didn’t say, “Oh, you’re in apparel—don’t you know the industry is the biggest offender of waste and climate change?” or “Why limit yourself to small businesses and solopreneurs? Where’s the money there? Go corporate!” Instead, she listened beautifully and intently, then told me to never lose hope. To never believe the noise. It’s a gift I’ll carry with me forever, and it inspired me to be the “airport Lynne Twist” for as many people as I can. While I’m still figuring out what that looks like, I’m working on it in small ways. A great cup of coffee gets an extra thank you. The man who called my name for my lunch order this weekend in such a fun, lighthearted way got a thank you, too.
As I often tell my clients (probably ad nauseam), there’s so much radical shifting that can come from tweaking the simplest processes in your business. I think the same is true for our daily views of the world. Where can you find the opportunity to truly listen? If you don’t have grown-ups in your life to practice on, find a child. They’re masters at this—they see the world in sparkles, color, fun, and music. Let them share it with you, and work on not letting your rational brain ruin the fun. Your life, even for those brief moments, will be better for it—I wholeheartedly assure you.
In love and affirmation- V
