Will you do this values exercise with me?

Hi, hello, how are you?? It’s so lovely to be talking to you today in my favorite little corner of the internet!

But today I want to do more than talk- I would love for you to do something with me. An exercise I did a few weeks ago and can’t stop thinking about. It will take at least 5 minutes so if you don’t have 5 minutes right now- just stop reading, mark this as unread and comeback when you do, ok?

Thank you!

A bit back, I was listening to a course that talked about how to more clearly define your values. I have done a lot of these types of exercises in my day but this one really hit differently so I wanted to share it with you in hopes it might do the same.

So here it goes.

First things first- I want you to visualize in your mind’s eye a room filled with people you love most in the world. Take some time and linger. Take in their faces and mannerisms and all the things about them that makes you feel like you are in the know on all their little special secrets. For me a few examples were: The way my son talks with his hands and uses his eyes to punctuate what he is saying so perfectly, uniquely, and entertainingly. The way my daughter gets lost in a song that is her current hyperfixation play and you can literally feel her in her imagination being on the stage performing for all of her admiring fans. The way my husband can get as lit up about fixing the dehumidifier under the house as he can about closing a big deal.

All the things that get you into energy of being with them as if they were here.

Next- imagine whoever you connect to that could make “wishes” come true is in the room. God, guardian angels, fairy godmother, your higher self. Whoever makes you feel like they could be the bridge to something couldn’t do on your own.

Now, in that room you are asked to write down all of the things you wish for your loved ones to have. Things isn’t the right word actually. Feelings. (because the value of things is really only worth the energy you prescribe to them right? To someone not in the know, sitting next to a Birkin bag would feel absolutely like sitting next to any ole bag in the world. To someone who’s passion is curating luxury goods, the energetics would be totally different right? It’s why we see Picasso’s end up at garage sales.)

Make a list of all the feelings you would love to gift them. Think things like: confidence, peace, inner knowing, adventure, stability, laughter, joy, excitement, calm, determination, great communication, intuition, etc. Spend some time here.

When you are done your wish granter has some amazing news for you- you can give one of these to your people!!!! Reflect on your list and pick which one you think will benefit them most.

Then the wish granter says “but wait!! there’s more! We just got news I can grant one more wish!” (if you have been to a live auction lately- you know exactly the script) so keep going one by one until you have a list of your top 4 or 5.

Plot twist.

That list is what you value most.

What we want to give to other people we love tends to be what we most crave ourselves. By using this exercise we not only get to see our own values more clearly but if we do this exercise with others, we get to see what they value as well.

Think about someone who’s number one value is stability? Their decisions would probably look a lot different than someone’s whose is adventure. Is either right or wrong? I personally don’t think so. Would either one want the other to try to tell them “all they need is to get a steady career” or vice versa “loosen up and travel!” So why do we try to see people in our values bucket only? I have found this exercise so helpful not only in thinking about what is driving my own decisions but also where I can see other people’s values in action that are so different than mine.

My number one value was feeling seen. It actually took me a while to assign the top spot on my list, but it hit me at a gathering for my birthday. I am a low fanfare girl- I love for people to feel as comfortable as possible (so I can go deep and force them into reading their human designs and spilling all of their souls desires more swiftly if I think about it ha.) My friends put together a low frills, high vibe birthday happy hour on the beach that felt like it couldn’t have represented me more. Pizzas in their cardboard boxes + cheese boards served on a surfboard at sunset paired with smuggled wine in plastic cups. A homemade perfectly imperfect cake dotted with my favorite candy that the wind kept from getting lit. Sitting on random hodgepodge blankets and towels. The gifts that included simple treasures like a national park coloring book, mushroom candles, a rumi book, all my favorite wines. And it wasn’t just about the people there, it was about the people that didn’t make it too. I hope they felt that their presence was simply missed, and their absence wasn’t demerited in some sort of friendship scorecard. 5 o’clock on a Tuesday as a mother is terribly inconvenient and also- simply not feeling lit up to come is a great reason to not be there. My relationships are not transactional and I do not want people to do things that aren’t aligned with them to try to align with my expectations.

When I looked around it struck me that this feeling was what I wanted most for the people in my life.

To see directly reflected back to me how much people see me. Not trying to say “my perfect birthday is a gorgeous catered dinner on china with all the works so therefore yours should be too” (because I desperately want people to keep valuing that so I can enjoy living in their values!!) But simply thinking “what does a V night look like?”

I’ve been taking that energy into everything I have been doing. Making sure my visions for people’s businesses don’t push me to give advice that is aligned only with my values. But instead, taking in what they value and helping them create more of that.

My runners up on the list were: confidence, trusting your intuition, and never forgetting the joy of the everyday things by letting them get overpowered by the “big” things.

I am pretty sure we have run over our 5 minute time mark but if you want to keep going, you can work on defining your values even further following this formula
(insert value here) means (insert definition here) to me.

IE: feeling seen means knowing that people see me for who I see myself as and love me despite it all. Feeling seen means I don’t have to feel like I need to change anything about myself to receive love, support, and friendship.

Anyway I hope you enjoy this as much as I did. I would loveeeee to know yours so I can see you and all your unique glory in a new way :)

This was my version of the original exercise by Sarah Landon!